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Lavender is something I need to have around me. It just….makes me happy.
My laundry gets a spritz of lavender water before being tossed in the laundry for de-wrinkling, and Ellis’ room gets a spritz before bed. Her bath get a few drops of essential oil, and I sit on the toilet and breath in the warm, lavender infused air.
Sometimes a girl just needs a change. AMIRIGHT? I was never wild about my last blog title. It wasn’t me at all. I am not simple and my life is far from blissful. There are many adjectives one could use to describe my life, but blissful would not be one of them.
Maybe I just need to alter my definition of blissful because my current picture of bliss exists only in the pages of magazines. Dreamy magazine spreads of a backyard cottage studio with a perfectly-aged stone patio, Adirondack chairs, and a lovely cutting garden that would serve to fill a bud vase for every room of my house. A little place where one is free to just relax and BE. I imagine a breeze carrying the sweet smell of blossoming trees through the air and wishing it would stay summer forever.
But that is not my life. My reality is far from blissful, and although it is pretty damn good in the grand scheme of things, most days I think, when will it get easier? Will I get it together before my daughter learns the truth that her mother is a basket case?
If I know me like I think I know me, I will always be a work in progress. I will always be trying to create the perfect version of me. And while I am a perfectionist and that notion often prevents me from trying new things in the first place, that is not what I mean here.
I want to be the kind of woman my daughter will be proud of, and I know I’m not there yet.
And just like redefining BLISS, I need to redefine PERFECT. I need to realize that things can be perfect just the way they are and stop searching for the well-styled magazine layout.
I hope you will come along for the ride.
Please excuse the mess…migrating and rebuilding, blah blah blah
Please check back in!
My mother has decided to join the world of blogging! Check her out here.
My mom has written me notes virtually every day of my life ~ there were notes in my lunch bag when I was a kid, notes when I got home from school or work, and now as an adult, I still get e-mails from mom almost every day. Even though I am a bad daughter & don’t always write back.
She is a beautiful writer, full of sage advice & always able to put my traumas into perspective. She has amazing gardens, makes parenting seem like a breeze, keeps a cozy home, & would do anything for her family. I can’t wait to watch her blog & see what she has to share with the world.
To my knowledge, no one was injured, and they had the snow cleared from the road by 6:30 this evening. There’s only a handful of residents that live in that area (3 of whom are my bosses & their child), so at least everyone got to go home today.
I’m still not entirely smoke-free. I had made it through my first 24 hours without smoking, and the next day was absolutely craving one by the time I got home from work. That seems to be my current Everest. I made it past the needing to have just those 3 a day, to now needing just that one a day.
It’s so hard to feel good about my progress but not be disappointed in my lack of progress at the same time. And, you can now add a Costco size tub of licorice to the things I’ve eaten during my quest to quit smoking. And some more chocolate because I realized I chose the week before my period to quit smoking (how brilliant am I?) & I totally crave chocolate during my period. CANNOT get enough chocolate. And I’m still eating tons of lollies, as we’ve come to call them around my house.
The best seem to be Jolly Ranchers lollies; a little intimidating to bite down on so they last a while, and the stick is plastic so I can chew on it for a while once my lolly is done. Tootsie Pops come in number 2, however, they’re just too hard to not bite down on! Dum-Dums are a distant third, simply because they are small & come with weird flavors. Chocolate? Root Beer? Butterscotch? Pina Colata? Give me the red-flavors, people!
That Target commercial is on ~ A little bit more, a little bit more. Love that song. I think it’s by a guy named Jaime Lidell, or something like that; saw it on someone else’s blog I came across randomly.
Allrighty, I think it’s time for bed. Honey (I am also Honey, which I’m sure annoys the hell out of our friends) fell asleep before me for the first time in I don’t know how long. I think I will let him sleep on the couch because he’s impossible to wake. When I do, he’ll usually start talking in his sleep, so I try to keep him going if I can. I have to amuse myself somehow, don’t I? He works in a copy/graphic design shop, and my favorite was when he started talking in his sleep about the “Riley job” he had to finish ~ Riley being our cat. I know, probably not funny to anyone else in the world but me, but I gotta say, I did laugh out loud & isn’t that what really matters?
Maybe I should try to wake him after all…..
The only thing keeping me going today is the amount of work I need to do. Work that I can actually complete instead of the on-going projects that I never quite seem to finish.
Quitting smoking is going better than expected, although my husband might disagree. Why is it we are nastiest to those we love the most? Is it because we know they are supposed to love us unconditionally & they couldn’t possibly leave us just because we are being unbearable?? At any rate, I have cheated a teensy, but for the most part, am smoke-free. Yippee!! I have finished off an entire Costco size bag (COSTCO SIZE, PEOPLE!!) of Robin’s Eggs, except I think I may have actually eaten those prior to my quitting, about 8 bags lo lolly pops, and more chocolate than I care to admit. Chocolate & caramel…..mmmmmm….I had to squeeze into my jeans this morning. I just love that I can feel my belly rolling over on top if itself.
Note to self: must start an exercise program of some sort ~ besides walking our dog Porter, which is admittedly more than most people are doing. I have been wanting to try yoga for ages, but because I am afraid of my inflexability, I haven’t made the commitment to it. Perhaps if I tried yoga, I wouldn’t be so damn inflexible, hmmmm?? I do love reading the Yoga Journal & I practice breathing techniques from time to time, though. My husband is anti-eastern-medicine, yoga, & all that it implies, so I also need to get past his feelings on the subject & just do it if I want to so badly. Every day is an opportunity to try something new, get over a fear, to let go of something that has been holding me back. Here’s to moving forward!!
May today be the day I go 24 hours without smoking. I had round 2 of acupuncture yesterday, and my cravings seem to have subsided dramatically. I dare say this is the longest I’ve made it yet. I’m inclined to go again today to really seal the deal, however at $75 a pop, it’s tough. My sweet mother brought me a gift at work yesterday. Actually, two gifts ~ a french-inspired sign from Room Service Home that I’ve been coveting, and some money to help pay for my acupuncture. So that certainly helps. And it’s nice to have a mom who knows how important those gestures are.
I am trying to quit smoking. It sucks. I have smoked since I was 19, and I can still remember thinking I’d be able to quit anytime I wanted. Isn’t that funny?!
Friday afternoon I got acupuncture from a very nice lady named Miranda. I wasn’t scared of the needles (I have tattooes), and I was actually really optimistic about the whole experience. She placed needles in my ears (slightly uncomfortable at first), my hands & my feet, neither of which hurt a bit. She left me to relax for 45 minutes, and relax I did. I was still asleep when she returned, and I was still half-asleep as she plucked the needles out.
Saturday was the longest day of my life. I was up by 7:30 am, and when I looked at the clock later on, thinking surely it must be at least one in the afternoon, I was horrified to see that it was barely 10:30 am. I try to keep myself as occupied as possible, but still, nagging in the back of my brain, is ~ cigarette, cigarette, cigarette…
I can’t say as I’m smoke-free yet. I thought cold-turkey was the way to go, but I’m weak. Very, very weak. I’ve had, lets say, “a few” cigarettes since Friday afternoon, but compared to smoking about a pack a day, I’d say I’m doing pretty well. Not great, because I really hoped I’d be able to JUST QUIT. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have 2 instead of 3, and the next day maybe I’ll only have 1 instead of 2.
I have a follow-up with Miranda on Tuesday, so maybe that will give me the little extra boost I need to see this through. I so want to be a quitter. Just this once.
Welcome! Me, afraid to put myself out there, afraid to have others read & judge my thoughts, is starting a blog. Aren’t you proud? I’ve been reading Jerusalem’s blog forever (http://miastoriadivita.blogspot.com/), and lurking on donna downey’s blog (http://donnadowney.typepad.com/) and I decided that at age 31, maybe I had something to say, too.
Why “simply blissful”? Because that’s what I’m hoping I come to find. Simple. Bliss. That’s all I need. Everything in life can fall neatly into one of those two categories, and I’d be a happy camper.
So, thank you for taking this little journey with me. I hope I don’t disappoint!